My shoulder hurt so bad last night that laying down even propped up by 4 pillows did nothing for me. I am exhausted, but I wanted to see how my Streamers were doing.

Steven has been aloof since last night, and I have as well. I'm trying to think, but it's hard. I don't know how I should act. He was trying so hard to be sweet to me last night, and it makes me sad that he growled at me this morning, and barely spoke to me. Lacie thinks I ought to write him a letter and tell him how I feel. But I think I'm just gonna stick to my original plan and tell him that I can't decide right now.

Maybe it'll actually show him that I do so much for him.

I don't know that he sees it.

But I want a man who will love me for all the things I do for him.

So, these next few days I'm gonna step off, and maybe see if he'll appreciate me. If he really loves me, he'll show it. Otherwise....I'll find my own place.

I want to respect and have respect....
and I want to go to sleep at night knowing that I can trust the man I'm with to be on the computer when I'm sleeping.

Okay. I'm falling asleep. I'm gonna let you go.