I am a woman of raging hormones.
And it makes me sad. I hate acting this way-I feel like I'm pushing Steve away with my behavior. I don't mean to. And I know that he wants to help. I want to enjoy our last few months of peace before the baby comes-but I'm in so much pain. I get winded going up a few stairs. I can't bend over anymore. I'm moody all the time. I'm kinda sad about it.

I cried for no reason. I wanted so much to just have Steve hug me and tell me everything was okay, but we were at work and I didn't want to be there, and MY supervisor was pissed off at me because I randomly lost it.

It's not like I meant to.

Then I went to Forrests house and did Jen and Stephanie's hair for my friend Felicia's wedding.

Weddings are so bittersweet, I think. Especially since Steve avoided me and hung out with the other two guys, and barely spoke to me all day. My feet ached from standing for more than a few minutes, and my back was killing me. And I sat on the couch, and Forrest and Jen and Steph were all very concerned and trying to make me comfortable-and Steve kept saying, "Forrest, come outside with me while I smoke."
Thanks, honey. Your concern overwhelmed me.

Then we were out the door, at the church, and getting ready for the wedding. Steve again disappeared to go with the guys to find a pen back at the house--sounds like the beginning of a dumb joke.....("How many bachelors does it take to find the Guestbook pen?".......3!)
And never told me that he was going or anything. I was just confused.

Then one of the grooms men was hitting on me, asking me what I was doing sitting alone and eyeing me throughout the time before Steve arrived. I went ahead and ignored him-my eyes are for one man!!!
Then Steve arrived and I did his hair, we sat down, and the wedding started.

It was a short ceremony, and then I was hunting down food, and eating everything I could get my hands on. Then I got giddy and excited, Steve kept trying odd things, and managed to make a blow torch with my hairspray in the mens room, much to my chagrin.

After all the pomp was done, we went home. I am still sewing my blanket, although I am very close to being done. One side left and my masterpiece will be complete.

Tonight Steve and I were supposed to do something special. Instead, last night, Steve invited Morgan to come over today. How very quickly he forgets me, I think.

We were talking about our new house, and I discovered that Steve pretty much means to make it the new RPG center for him and his buddies.
I'm a thinking Oh HELL no.
I don't want to spend my last three months of my pregnancy with guys in the house yelling about Halo, Paranoia, Battlefield 2, or Soul Calibur II. I'd rather kill them all. They come over, mooch off our food, keep Steve up at all hours, and then leave, after cajoling Steve into giving them rides.
Because most of them are not out of high school.

I pray to God that Steve doesn't turn out like Rob; Rob is 30 years old, and doesn't want to get married because he's afraid of commitment. He spends all his paychecks on video games, mooches off his ex-girlfriend, who hopes and prays they will get married one day, and doesn't drive.

No, he calls Steve, bitches Steve out for not being on time to pick him up (he doesn't even pay us gas!!!!! )and then talks about how much freedom he has, and how much he loves playing video games.

The entire ride over this morning was about his new favorite Star Wars video game. I wanted to suffocate him.
I don't mind hearing about video games, honest! But at 7:45 in the morning-no. I'm sorry. I go to work, and there are people in the corner playing PS2 on a big screen. I go home, and am promptly ignored by Steve, who goes onto his computer and ignores me-except for the occasional reassuring hug when he gets up to smoke.

I'm usually okay with it. Just today, I seem a bit disgruntled. Sorry.

That and I'm worried about my ferret Swiffer. She's losing a ton of weight. :( *sigh* I hope everything is okay. She doesn't really respond to people anymore. She seems listless. I wonder if she's getting old. I'm not too worried. I'm sure once she dies, she'll be happier. We all will be, I imagine. I think.

Okay. Time for me to continue my sewing escapade. I may write later.

Have a great day, better than my crummy, work-filled Saturday!

Wowzers! It's already Thursday! Next week I have another appointment. W00t!

So last night I went Walmart after winning a 50.00 Gift card to the place. I figured it's a mosh pit during the day, so I'd go at night. Which worked, interestingly enough. I got Alexander some baby outfits. I felt very pleased-Steve found the perfect crib for him: It starts as a small crib with changing table and drawers for stuff-then it goe's to a larger crib for toddlers-you know, two bars and a gap in the middle. Then it get's into even bigger, a larger bed for a child with an accompanying nightstand.
So he's excited about that.

And then Francine is selling us her Queen-sized bed! She's giving us this GORGEOUS Cedar Oak Bedframe with two box springs and a mattress and the bedset for 350.00! OH GOODNESS! Especially since the bedspread itself was 300.00's. Steve and I were looking for a bed for a while, so we're rather happy with the new development.

I also got some fabric to make a soft, fleece blanket for the baby. I am going to hand-sew it-because it's important for me to do that for the baby. I'm also going to embroider the babies initials. I figure I want to put a little sweat and blood into each blanket that I make.
I'm almost done with my shell pattern with three color crochet blanket. I did a light tan, a light blue, and a light green for that, and it turned out very nicely. Last night I decided I probably should make another blanket-obviously, a baby can have too many, but they pee a lot, and in the summer, a blanket on the floor is important. It'll be nice and cool for the baby.

So I'm crocheting, sewing, and dreaming, and it's nice. And I'm excited that Steve is excited as well.
In 2 weeks, we should be in our new house, and after that, we should be golden. Him and I being away from his parents will be great.

Although, his mother wants him to live in these apartments that are really close to where they live. Which sucks, because I want to go into a different town then them-them being my stepdad and real mom.
Technically they are breaking laws being as close as they are-but I'm more concerned about my baby.



I'm going to see if Jen will do some pictures for Steve and I...

I want to get some done before the baby comes. :)

That's about it for me.

It's Wendesday!

I am a happy woman. Slightly tired. Very much so slightly tired. I feel really out of it, and ready to sleep. Unfortunately, I have four hours at work. Which is okay, I can handle that. I think.

I know that we all hate our phone companies. They have the dumbest answering and routing system, the agents all seem either stupid or extremely surly, and the bill never seems quite right.

I'm one of the agents ya'll have to deal with. Now, please, before you start throwing tomatoes and squash at me, hear me out.

I strive to be kind to each and every customer. I will maintain a pleasant facade even in the face of anger, and push to make sure that appropriate credits are given, and appropriate products are offered. I do NOT offer products that wont fit the customers needs.

If a customer is calling in to lower hisher phone service plan because they have only a little money, I'll ask them what other services they have: cell phone? TV? Internet? Long Distance? If I can see if they do, and if they do how much it is costing them, and if I can offer them something cheaper, I WILL. It's my job.

People don't really understand this, but in my community, people who are trying to pay for an education, or are just plain trying to get through life, this call center is our only way of making it. We are paid better than any other job. We are guaranteed 40 hours a week. We get incentive. We get benefits.

We are pushed to sell. If we do not sell, we do not have a job. If we do not do the stupid openings and ask the stupid questions that seem to take up all your time, we lose our jobs.



And people get upset at us. I have people on a daily basis calling me from work and asking me to explain to them a complex bill in simpleton terms in 5 minutes, because they don't have time.
And I ask you: If you have no time, and if it's such a crucial issue.....why not do it when you have time? Or authorize someone who can? Why call in and asplode at ME because you are using your company phone and pay to deal with your personal bill?

*sigh*



It just makes me frustrated.

Or if I do nothing wrong, and the customer just calls in to tell me how much of a piece of shit I remind her of.
I don't need that. No human being does.

Do us all a favor: Remember you are calling human beings. Human beings that given the chance, would rather work some place without such tension.
We answer to the best of our ability, and try to give you the answers you want.

So please-make April the Billing Professional Month. And whenever you're ready to explode at work because you're upset-remember, you're calling us at work, and we CAN'T be upset. And more than likely-we're having a hard hard time.

Drama should be automatically sucked out of each and every brain before the co-worker wanders through the door of work. Honestly, it's driving me absolutely nuts to have to listen to each escapade. I want so much for someone to please just stop the madness!

The oxymoron aspect of work!

One team member is driving me nuts. She is German. She's elderly. She is the most annoying person ever~!

I am in the middle of my break. Which are very small, considering I have to use them running to and fro the bathroom. So my breaks are very limited.
And she somehow *knows* when I am getting up or getting ready to.

GL: Stephanie, can you help me? I think there iz a problem vith my computer!

SP: I have to go on break B, find another supervisor.

GL: But it's only one small question! Please!

SP: *sigh* How can I help.

.....20 minutes later....my break depleted, my bladder not, B finally figures out you have to actually turn on a computer to use it.

She drives me nuts! She goes to my desk WHILE I AM ON A CALL! And asks me a question-over and over! "Hey! Hey! Stephanie! Hey! I need your help!"

I'm ready to kill.

Though I exploded this morning. I was updating information and she was frantically running from one office to another looking for a floor supervisor. She refused to call the Help Desk, which is faster, knowledgable, and very efficient. No. A person had to look at her screen.
"B, sit down. Call Help Desk. And stop running around. Call them."
"But I have one question."
"Call Help Desk. Hold your hand up while calling them. A floor supervisor that is on duty will get to you if they can. If not, we pay the Help Desk for just that sort of thing."

She ignored me.



I nearly jumped on her, but I went and sat down at my desk, and continued working on my stuff.

There is a reason for our VST agents, but she doesn't get it. It's called Vendor Support Team for a reason.

Then there is a woman from Brooklyn who thinks she is the shizzle. And she is consistently alienating all the females on my team. She either tells them they are selfish for raising their child the way they are-in my case, she told me I can't have an ounce of caffeine, or alcohol,-I can't have an epideral-I can't have sex. And if I do, I am a bad mother. I take it all in stride obviously, as my mother advised me. I tell people who give me advise that I appreciate their advise and will take it in consideration. But I already know what I want to do.
So I am not worried. However, she has managed to alienate M, a new mother, R, a mother of a 4 year old, and G-who is also pregnant. And I hear about it.
I am not allowed to say H's name. They ask me to refrain from using it. If I mention that H is doing well on sales, they get very upset and send snide remarks over their cubicles. At least their bonding about something??

Drama. *sigh*

I got my first massage today. I learned a lot of stuff about how Steve should and should not massage my back. And I'm glad I figured that out!
I'm glad Steve is such a sweet heart about it though.
Though last night he was kinda-grrr. He was mean. I was a little hyper active, it was around 11:30, and I was just talking a little more than usual, and giggling. And he wanted to play on his computer, but I wanted him to cuddle with me. Which isn't a bad thing, right? I mean, I just wanted a little time with him? Is it really that bad for him to get off the stupid computer after staring at it all day for maybe 1/2 an hour and giving me the love and attention that I need? I'm not a stupid pet, I need a wee bit more attention than the occasional rub on the cheek or soft "I love you" as he goes outside or something. I mean, granted, I cherish them just as much. But I love his hugs-his touch. I cherish his kisses, and I enjoy the mornings the most.

So...this stays here, obviously.....

But, I'm having a small *wee* crisis.
Every other aspect is a-okay....but I am seriously lacking in my sex life, and I don't know how to tell Steve. I mean, granted, we need to be careful because of the baby-but-I mean-I still crave and want it. And if he is in the mood, it's always me on top. If I'm on the bottom, I feel smothered. If I'm on top, I stretch and hurt, and wear out easily. I know there are other positions, but he doesn't want to do them. He figures if we can't do the first two, it's time to stop.
I don't know when, but it has suddenly gotten to the point that Steve has me following him: It's not give and take in the bedroom anymore. Steve is now all about him. If he isn't completely in the mood-it wont happen. And he's in the mood, if I'm lucky, once every 2 weeks. If not, he gets pissed if I ask.
And I hate rejection. to an extreme. Even now, when he says no, he's not in the mood or anything, (which happens a lot less, because I ask less, because I hate rejection....see a pattern?) it still hurts a lot.

I've actually begun to ask myself if maybe he is gay. I mean, he doesn't care for sex, he's secretive about his online life, and he has a gay friend that his parents were sure he had something going with-the two were room mates....

I dunno. I guess I wonder, because Steve is extremely uninterested in me physically. I wonder if he finds my pregnant body ugly?
It makes me worry.....what if I repulse him so much that he goes for someone else. Seems like guys go for less reasons....

Which reminds me:
A girl at work, F is in the midst of getting a divorce. She likes one guy, J, and now she likes my friend. Gump. (I call him that on here) Gump is engaged. Gump is getting married in 5 months. Gump is a great guy. And I fear for him. Not so much that I think that HE will cheat on his woman with F, but that F may end up driving them apart.

It's more the fact that F has feelings for Gump, and has said outright that she has the hots for him. In order to protect both of their hearts, he needs to tell her to just stay away. I say that because F has a knack for getting men in trouble with their women. Such as: Steve and her text messaged each other until 3:00 in the morning. And I had no clue who she was.

Then Rob starts getting text messages, and Kristi starts getting paranoid. F wants to hang out with Rob. Her and Rob are lying to Kristi about how they know each other, what they're doing, and when Kristi finally catches them, the shit will hit the fan.

Now F is going for Forrest, WHO IS ENGAGED. I am getting close to wanting to shake sense into that girl!


Ugh. A pretty face and large boobs and men turn into puddy. *sigh*

Other than that, the day is pretty much done. Have to get some food, and get home, and then we are done.

Welp, it's Monday! Woke up this morning feeling icky, mostly because I hate my mattress. That thing is not comfortable anymore. *sigh*

So I went home for the first time in almost 2 weeks yesterday-talked to Jen, gave Steve and Jen 200.00's and hung out with Wendy.

That was interesting in itself, hanging out with my best friend Wendango-as I call her.
We went out to breakfast, went to a few stores, looked at some stuff, and then I went to Steve's house-I was so tired! My feet hurt, my back ached, and I was almost in a coma.

It's getting harder to stand up, sit down, move, or laugh. I feel out of breath a lot more, and I tend to lay down and stretch out on my side or back. More or less during the day I lay on my back, so that I can watch the baby move and my skin move with him.

Last night was interesting, though. We were watching Gray's Anatomy, and the baby started kicking. Steve had yet to feel the baby move, so he came over almost as soon as I said it and laid his hand on my stomach-and just in time-the baby kicked square into his palm.
He gave this little gasp, and his features went into shock.

"I felt it," he kept saying.

It was cool, and I was happy.

His dad came home last night. (groan) I know, it was frustrating. He sat there praising Danny's new car. Praised Danny getting into a fight at a concert and nearly breaking his wrist. Praised Danny's new hat.

Then turned to Steve: So, why are you still here? I heard you got demoted. What the hell did you do?



I was like a mama bear or something. My blood was boiling as it was, because apparantly Steve and I were supposed to know that the muffins and cup o' noodle that she gets every two weeks, were Danny's. It never was before, and then it was. So now, she wants Steve and I to replace Danny's food, since EVERYONE, not just us, ate it.

I say bullshit. I don't think that's fair. Danny is 19 years old, and should be able to buy his own food. AND THEN he or whoever buys it, can label it as HIS.

I am glad I am going home tonight. I don't want to deal with Steve's father, and quite honestly, the blatant favoritism that is shown sickens me. I'm really tired of it.

In fact, I'm just plain tired. I want to lay down and sleep, or at least lay down. Everything hurts.

Anyways, I'll probably post something later on today, but for right now, I have to get going-work time and all that nonsense.