I have a younger sister named Michelle. She isn't my only younger sister, mind you, but she is one of the younger-younger.

Michelle is 16 years old. She's very popular. She's very pretty. She's on the school dance team. She's funny. She's smart. She's rebellious.

I found out that Michelle's popularity isn't exactly the best thing. Michelle asked my parents for birth control this past week because of cramps. My mom said she'd think about it. And then they found out-Michelle wanted birth control for more than just that. Michelle wanted birth control because she was sleeping with a 21 year old.

I didn't even know. None of us did. Michelle was going out every weekend with friends, getting drunk, doing drugs, and sleeping around.
It didn't even seem real. When I found out, I was shocked. My little sister, doing drugs? It didn't seem right. It didn't seem real. Not Michelle. Michelle was the happy-go-lucky type. The type that would come home and obsess over the maybe's of holding a boys hand. Michelle who got up extra early so she could look good. Michelle. My little sister.

Not only that, but then we found out Michelle's grades were dropping. Terribly. I looked at mom and dad and thought, how could they not see the warning signs? Was my dad so desperate to keep Michelle around that he was willing to let her ruin her life?
I found out that my parents weren't grounding her for bad grades. From my sister Amber on, (5 of us) we were grounded for anything under a 70%. Bad attitude? Grounded. Chores. Not TV. No phone. No dessert. No computer.
No, my parents were taking her TV and DVD player. A small slap on the wrist. She was still allowed to go out and hang out with friends. Still allowed to play on her laptop. Still allowed to recieve phone calls.
Michelle was being spoiled rotten. While the rest of us barely ever got to go out, had to pay for our clothes, pay for our car, pay for our cell phones, Michelle had that handed to her on a silver platter. She was working at Arby's, but quit. Because it was interferring with her social life. She didn't like working anymore.

Michelle blamed the sex, drugs, and alcohol, and the slipping grades, on my mother. My mom. Who had absolutely nothing to do with it. Granted, my mom is strict. Sometimes, she's a little out of hand. I know when I was in high school mom was a little crazy when it came to punishments, but then again, I was a slight she-devil. We were all a handful, and had it not been for the strict reinforcement and the discipline, we wouldn't be where we are today. All of us turned out alright. We got on track. We keep jobs down. We have our own places. We rely on ourselves. The fact the road was bumpy is a fact of growing up. But to this day, I'm still grateful my parents kept me in line.
My parents were slightly shocked. I was more shocked to find that Dad was mad at Mom for disciplining Michelle. They just started talking to each other again. Mom had NOTHING to do with Michelle's little splurge. In fact, Mom tried to prevent it. Mom was young once, popular, and pretty. And she fell into drugs, alcohol, sex. Mom knew. Dad just didn't want to risk another daughter moving out early.

I moved out at 17. Ashley, my slightly younger sister, moved out at 16. We both moved out because of problems with my mom. My mom had a habit of disciplining....and then some. Snide remarks, goading us on. She had her bad moments. But my dad rarely ever yelled at us. So it was up to my mom to do it. I apologised. Ashley apologised. We all knew that had we not left, there would have been no relationship left to salvage.

*sigh*

I guess I'm done venting for now. My parents are just barely starting to talk to each other again, and Michelle hasn't spoken to either of them since Tuesday.

Who is my sister? I don't think I know now.

It's Monday. I woke up this morning and my first thought was-God, please blow up CP. I don't want to work today.

Steve rolled over, refreshed and happy, and mentioned the same thing. Glad to know we both hate work on a Monday. At least something is going right.
This weekend was interesting. We went to Forrests house for a surprise birthday party-which was fun! Forrest was pretty happy about what he had, and we ate pizza and cake, and watched Chronicles of Narnia. Ben kept tying a balloon to the end of this poor cats tail, and freaked the cat out-much to our amusement.
Forrest and Jen have this tiny kitten named The Cat formerly known as Prince-or just Prince. He curled up on my shoulder and slept. Funny thing though, he kept stretching and moving, so by the time he was completely comfortable, he was laid out across my chest, his paw on my check. He's so tiny-tiny little ribs, little paws, tiny little ears. He's adorable.

Sunday, we actually relaxed the entire day! It was really nice. Well, actually...
I found out that Steve's parents would be dropping by-so I was a hurricane of activity. I cleaned up the room, got all the clothes put away, (finally) and swept the front door entrance, and cleaned the kitchen. It felt good to get the house so clean and to get everything in order. The only trouble is keeping it that clean. Especially when I don't feel up to it.

So far, I've been doing great, but I don't know about how I'll feel in a few weeks. I hope I'm still chugging. It's a daily struggle, but I can do it.

In other news,
came to work today to find NO DESKS available. None. So Steve and I got to flounder for an hour and a half, while Admin ran around like chickens with their heads cut off. Finally, we got seated, but even then, we were in another department, and we get some icy glares from the department for taking their seats. Nice to know Admin is doing their job.

I found out some stuff about my sister, but that's a completely different post. I'm still slightly reeling, so I'm gonna wait on that one.

It's Monday. I know that it can get worse, but hopefully things look up. Hopefully. Have a good Monday, if it's possible. I know Garfield hates them. And I know I do too.

Oy vey.

So, it's Friday. That means a full weekend is upon us, and we shall go forth-and conquer.

I missed my WIC appointment yesterday- -something I totally did NOT mean to do.

My list of things I wanted to get done yesterday is as follows:

Get the bed
Turn in the list to the office of things wrong with the house
Do laundry
Sort the clothes and get everything put away.
Go to Planned Parenthood with Jen.
WIC Appointment at 4:00PM.

I got the first two done. But we had Forrest and Jen come over. Jen and I went to Planned Parenthood-Forrest helped Steve get our new bed.
Jen isn't pregnant. It's funny how that happens. She was nervous-and mentioning she wasn't ready for it-and then she found out she wasn't, and was rather sad. She said she kinda did want to be pregnant and have a baby.

*sigh*

Steve got the bed hooked up-and since we didn't really have the money to use the laundry mat, I decided to wait until next week. Though I am slightly frustrated.

We have about 5 dollars to last us until next week- and we have half a tank of gas. And Steve has 2 packs of cigarettes. EEK.

But, I remembered that I have a snowboard that I haven't used in a while, and it's in pretty good condition. So, we can pawn it off, since we'll be better off that way, and we can have a little bit of money to go forth and get gas and cigs, and do some laundry.

Our bed is really nice. It's firm, and has this gorgeous frame.
It's nice.

I am slightly worried about one thing: Steve wont stop inviting anything with a pulse to our House-warming party. It's an apartment. Therefore, it's teeny. For him to invite EVERYONE over, isn't a smart idea. We hardly have furniture, we don't have a TV that works, we barely have any utensils for ourselves, let alone 10-12 other people--so far--so I just don't know. Not only that, but I don't like having that many people around, it's just a little disconcerting.

Kale and Tick came over last night, sat around, ate dinner, left food everywhere, garbage, and then sat in our room and went through a web concept called Hell-ven. Apparantly it's a mix between heaven and hell. Woohoo. I was so tired, and I just wanted everyone to go home.

Then they did, and Steve and I ate ice cream, and went to bed. It was nice.

*whew*

So yeah. The baby is growing, he's alot more active now. His little feet kick and I can see a bump whenever he does it.

*sigh*

Okay. so yeah. That's about it for me.

Tuesday was interesting. So I'm gonna write about that.

I was too excited to sleep, and so was Steve. So we woke up early. He got up and surfed the web one more time before we moved, since there isn't internet at the new house yet. I took a shower, and laid in bed, since I'm still feeling really icky. Then I took down the posters, folded the sheets and comforters, and started boxing up the PS2 and the other stuff. Steve packed up his computer.

Robert was up and ready when we were. He stayed home from a load to help us move, a nice gesture on his part. The night before, he had come up to us and handed us 80.00-"For food" he said gruffly. I was kinda surprised, and then he gave us both hugs. I think he's gonna miss us.

I'm still amazed-we somehow got all of Steve's stuff, AND MINE, in one truck, and a car. I was shocked, but very happy. The unloading was so much easier. While we unpacked, Steve and Robert went to go get something mysterious, and Sharon stayed with me-and presented to me a mass of scrapbooking stuff. It was really cool.
I thanked her, and we talked as I unpacked the food and dishes for the kitchen.

Then Steve and Robert came back-Robert had one other gift for us-he had gotten us a couch! It was a frumpy couch that I had fallen in love with at a thrift store. So it's ours now.

They left and Steve just freaked out. He was so happy. I laughed at his antics and we started putting things away. I had the living room set up, almost. We're using a large trunk for our coffee table, but it looks okay, so I'm not worried. We have a TV, but it's really not doing anything right now. So we went to Walmart, and got a bunch of groceries, and some towels and other stuff for our new house. The great thing about our new house is it's 3 minutes away from work, and 10 minutes away from Walmart.

As we came back with food and some oven pizza's, I realised that we didn't have anything to cook the pizza on. So we put the food we had away, both of us ready to pass out. We were tired, and our jazzy mood had dissapated. So we ran to Albertsons, which was 5 minutes away, and grabbed a cookie sheet, toilet paper ( and some ice cream .

So I made some pizza, and Kelly came over. And guess what she gave us:

K: hey guys, I got you a house-warming gift....

S&M: what's that?

K: (shoving bag into hands) Oh, a game.

S&M: (open bag) It's a game..

IT'S KINGDOM HEARTS II!

We were ecstatic. We freaked out completely. I mean, this saves us 50.00 on a game that Steve wouldn't take no for an answer on.

So, we just have to get an RF adaptor for it, and then we are set!
And even then, Sharon is lending us her TV.....so we can play Kingdom Hearts. Yeah!

After Kelly left, we finished our pizza, and set up the bed, and moved our dresser. Then Steve set up his computer. By this time, I was exhausted.

So I took my Zoloft, we cuddled, and then I fell asleep.

*fast forward 3 hours* I woke up around 3:00.....and was wide awake. I couldn't go back to sleep for the life of me.
Steve was snoring away and it was grating on me, so I decided to just do something productive for a while. I went out into the living room and went through the scrapbooking stuff and fixed a few things in the kitchen. Then I heard Steve shifting in the bedroom, so I went in there and laid down. He immediately hauled me close to him and buried his head in my neck. I love it when he does that.

I fell asleep like that, and woke around 8:30 and didn't want to get up. I was so tired, from having a split-night, so to speak.

So yeah. We went back home for lunch, and tried calling the cable company to set up something-and didn't get through. We were on hold for almost 15 minutes before we gave up. So fine. We'll re-evaluate that decision. Poop heads.

That's about it for me today, besides having to go home and continue unpacking. it's overwhelming, but I think I can do okay....if Steve helps out. I swear, he refuses to do anything more than he absolutely has to.
*sigh*

That's about it.

I'm tired. SO, talk to you later.

This weekend was interesting. I had a couple of times when I wasn't sure I was gonna make it. The Zoloft is starting to do it's job-but it's got me kinda drained.
And to think-I'm only taking 1/2 the pill right now. What happens when I start taking the full thing?
Steve says I'm hilarious when I take them.

So. Um. Let's see-my last post was on Saturday-I ended up going home early because I couldn't keep my eyes open and the room was spinning. So Steve and I left. We went home, and then I slept for a good while. I slept that afternoon into Sunday. Woohoo.

Sunday! I woke up, and just admired my handsome man. He has these gorgeous thick eyelashes and olive colored skin. So it's really hot to watch him sleep. He just looks sexy. And then when I got up, he rolled over, and looked at me, with those honey colored eyes, and opened one arm and beckoned me back to bed. So I curled up in my favorite position, my head resting on his shoulder, his arm tight around my waist, and slept another 15 minutes. Then I gingerly slipped out of bed and took a steamy hot shower.

Then, because I felt a little better, I made French toast for everyone-ended up not eating any myself-my stomach was roiling. I went upstairs, and played Kingdom Hearts for a little while, and then went back downstairs, and laid down. Steve, Danny, Tick, and Robert went to help his cousin Kelly move. When he came back, I was clutching a pillow and closing my eyes.
Then we had to clean his room. Which was interesting. *sigh*
Steve gave me my first move in jitters yesterday. When I mentioned we had to pick up the dirty clothes and get rid of the clutter, he became sullen, and upset.
S: I don't understand why we have to pack today. We aren't moving in until Tuesday. It's a waste of time.
M: Because, *sweetie*, if we pack now, it'll be one less thing we have to do once Tuesday comes. Then we can just pack up the bed and computer and be done with it.
S: So why don't we just do it then?
M: Because if we do it now, we don't have to get up as early. We wont be as stressed. And if we do it together, we can go through the stack of unopened bills in your desk so we know if we need to keep anything for our records.
S: I doubt there's anything important.
M: Well, let's check.
S: Fine. *sigh*

So he set about grouchily picking up the room with me. Which, honestly, was a 10 minute job, at most. We had some garbage on the floor, but it was mostly dirty clothes. As soon as we had those out of the way and the bed made, it was a whole world of difference. We then went through the unopened mail-something I completely regret. I ended up going through his cell phone bills-which had a log of all the calls he made.

Lo and Behold, Miss Robyn was called quite a bit. Not Robyn calling him, it was him calling her. As late as November-when we found out I was pregnant.
Then she was calling him. It was 30 minutes, 20 minutes. Sporadic, but not. Usually at night. And I didn't know how to feel about it.

Though his most recent bills that I've seen-he has no calls to her and no calls from her. When she did call, he refused to answer.

I think I'm okay. It was in the past. As soon as I confronted him, they stopped. I don't know if they were more than friends, though I have some suspicions. If it was just friends, I think, then why isn't he fighting me on this? Why is he so ready to stop talking to her? No fight. Just-blam.

And from the beginning, their relationship seemed sketchy. The first time she called, he lied and told me it was some friend calling. When it wasn't. I could tell he was lying-he seemed so nervous. When I called him on it, he said it was because he was afraid I'd react like this. Then the whole Robyn thing happened, and he hasn't responded to her since, though I question that. It seems everytime she calls, his text messages miraculously disappear the next morning. Wiped out clean.

I figure if I delete her contact info from his phone, that'll help. But at the same time, the thought of doing that makes me cringe. I shouldn't do it, he should. *sigh* Sometimes, the pro's and con's suck.

I'm an insecure person, in case you haven't noticed. And I know that if I don't stop, I'll destroy what I have. *Snort* I hate my emotions sometimes.

ALthough, I came upstairs and he was on myspace.com, but not. He ran downstairs to smoke, so I scooted on. Lo and behold, someone named Mandy was talking to him, but he said "I'm involved, and happily so. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong depression."

Score for the man!

So tomorrow is gonna be a great day. Tomorrow morning, we can wake up a wee bit later. We can eat a nice breakfast. Then we have to pack up the PS2, the crates, and everything. Then we have to go to my house and pick up the stuff there.
I hope it doesn't rain.... I hope....
Then we have a walk-through at about 2:30. The plan is to have everything packed so when it's done, we can just start unloading.

When we went in to sign the papers, Steve was leaning against the counter, and I was nearer to the door. Well, found out, being near the door can be frightening.
We were there a few minutes and this mountain of a man came in. He had bushy gray hair sticking out EVERYWHERE, and he grunted. He blubbered, and he was looking at me very oddly. His fingers were long and dark yellow, and the one time he opened his mouth, we really wished he hadn't. His teeth were black. It was potentially petrifying.
Then he went outside and grunted and started yelling. It wasn't words. Just noises. I was slightly scared, and looked at the lady, who laughed nervously. Odd. I worry about who inhabits the community hot tub.

On the plus side, this will show Steve and myself if we really are meant to be. If we can stay together for 6 months living with each other, then we decided we'll get engaged and be married.
*eek*
I can't wait until October!

I think that's my thoughts for the day, except for a shoutout to the moonman-I hope you can talk to her again soon. buck up!