Sweltering hot heat....free.

Zombie movies......12.00's.....

Two cat-girls......3.00's in gas....

Four Laptops......way over 4000.00 Im sure....

One tow-trucker, one southern racist, and two brothers obsessed with video games all talking about how cool it'd be if zombies did a musical, and two cat girls trying to convince me to wear cat ears?

Brain damaging in a priceless sort of way.



It's friggin warm over here in the Northwest, and it ain't gonna get cooler. Tomorrow is the Ironman World Semi-finals, held in my podunk li'l town. Also, hoopfest is being held in another town nearby....know what that means?

Means traffic everywhere. Means crazy tourists snapping pictures of trees I grew up with. It means my house will be conveniently clogged for quite some time. IT MEANS IRRITABILITY.

I've been in pain for most of the night, and wonder if I'll happen to go into labor tomorrow. That'd be nice. All the paramedics...*sigh...dreamy firetrucks* and fire fighters will be at the Triatholon, making sure idiotic tourists don't get mowed over....again.

Seems like every year we host this momentous event, Someone idiotically gets in the way and gets mowed over, sending bikers and tourists alike into ambulances. Trust me, you don't want to be the tourist that just disqualified the rider for the world championship. Death threats might be a good thing to remember.

I'm already trying to plot ways to get rid of Patrick and Lacey. Patrick especially. He's like the Donavan of my time. I used to know this kid named Donavan that annoyed the hell out of me constantly. You know, they talk fast, and slur their words together, lie about everything, expect you to believe them, tell stupid statistics that aren't true, and laugh like tards. Not to mention they have anger management issues that scare me. Patrick and Donavan might either marry each other or kill each other.

I don't like how Patrick treats Lacey either: calls her stupid, gets mad when she wins, gets pissed when she's pouty when she loses a game. He's really immature. Someone ought to stick him somewhere where he can get a bit of dignity. I'd say military, unfortunately, he already got kicked out of that. Go figure, he's a loser that way.

Jamee, my other sister, (I have five) gave me some terrible news today....she miscarried and she didn't know she was pregnant. She was on birth control. Poor girl. She IM'd me this morning and we talked for a while and she confided her pain, and how much she wished she was like me. Which stunned me. I've always looked up to Jamee-perhaps it was the fact that she always looked down on me, or criticised me. I always wanted her approval. Then I find that she wished she was dumpy li'l me. Because I had Steve, a house, and a baby.

I feel so terrible. I feel so bad. Here we are, Myself, Amber, and Ashley, having children, getting married, etc. And Jamee, who's older than most of us, doesn't even have a boyfriend of any kind.

I honestly can't understand why on that either. Jamee is beautiful, takes care of herself, laughs wonderfully, knows how to have a good time. She just gets near the guys who want nothing more than sex, and she turns them down. I commend her on that, but if she doesn't want just sex, why go try something other than bars where drunken fools are trying to feel up her beer can.

So we talked on that, and I tried to comfort her, and then Kairi sliced open my leg, and Steve had to patch me up while I sniveled and fumed.

My parents left for Michigan, and didn't even tell me. Sometimes I feel like the last to know on anything. Really. My grandma is moving up here-no one told me. My parents are going to be gone for a week or so to go get her.

Part of me, the spiteful, mad, part, kinda hopes to have the baby before they come back. For two reasons-one, I wont have to worry about anyone trying to fight over the baby, two, I wont have to worry about Sharon ripping my mom a new one, and three, then I can let Jamee hold the baby first, and not have to worry about mom hissy-fitting over it.

My mom is completely miffed at my sister Ashley, because Ashley isn't letting anyone touch her baby yet. I kinda do, and kinda don't understand that. I mean, I understand the first day or so, everyone probably wants to just hold their baby and make everyone leave them alone. The first week or so, I still can give sympathy. but Ashley had the baby almost 2 weeks ago, and still wont let anyone touch the baby. Except her mother in law. So the rest of us are kinda wondering, what the hell did we do that makes her not want us touching the baby? Not like we're clumsy, dirty, disease-ridden flea bags that can't handle our own feet or something. Even so, she could sit right there and watch us.

Although, I do understand, kind of. I don't really want anyone to hold my baby either. He's mine, and I already am dreading having to let him go for even a nano-second so that Jamee can hold him. I'm nervous, but he's mine.

Yesterday was Steve's and my 10th anniversary, (as in 10 month) and we celebrated by going to the food bank to get meager food, coasting on fumes to put our last few dollars in the gas tank, and then going home and watching TV. That is, until guess who showed up at our door to play cards and the such? Yeah. Pat and Lacey. I said I would be willing to tolerate them for a bit because Pat was lending Steve some cigarettes. Then after several rounds of cards, Pat and Lacey berating each other, Steven telling them both to calm down, and me wishing I was somewhere else, I mentioned to Steve I was having some pains and maybe I should go rest.

Pat, Lacey:

Steve: Does that mean you need some quiet time?

Me: Yeah, I think so. (suggestive looks at pat and lacey)

Pat, Lacey:

Steve: Let me take you back.....

Me:

We go back, I inform the well-informed Steve that they can't take a hint, he assures me he'll push them out, and then he does. Takes him about 20 minutes, but he does.

What is wrong with them? The first time, they just randomly show up at our door. The second time, they debate calling us, and then show up at our door. The third time, they call at a pay phone, we don't answer, and they show up at our door. Once we inscribed it into their heads they can't just come over like this, We have issues with them in denial with having to leave. I hate guests who take advantage of my hospitality. Even more so, I hate men who yell at their skinny, tiny girlfriends for taking the bigger portion of food.

Steve made this DELICIOUS cornbread

(Pst....package of Jiffy corn muffin mix ( follow directions), a single serving of applesauce, and cinnamon)

that I begged him to make for me. So he did, and Pat and Lacey were over so we all had some. I figured 2 pieces for each would be enough, but apparantly, size started to matter to some....Lacey took a larger piece, and Pat freaked out and told her that it was "his piece" and he was "just about to go for it." "How selfish" was Lacey. Then Steve quietly grabbed his large piece, and seeing that our guests had left me with a tiny tiny piece, gave me his, smiling at me all the while.
Pat and Lacey were quick to shut up. But still slow on the uptaking of leaving our house.

I think Lacey is better off with out him. I think Steve is better off with out him. I think Pat is better off disappearing so that I don't have to kill him.

That's really about it for me. I'm hot, tired, and can't wait for this stupid laundry to get done so Steve and I can leave his parents house, and go home to ours, where AC, furry clawed kittens, and a bed await us. Oh, and perhaps some ice cream.

Toodles my Streamers!



Just a quick P.S. You know you've written too long a blog entry when blogstream logs you out for inactivity, even though your fingers were glued to the keys.....

I am....facing such trials right now.

Steve got a job!!! At Walmart. And he's making more than he did before....which makes me breathe easier. Kind of.

Now that I know the future is somewhat more secure, I look at the present. At present, we've barely any gas. Barely any food. And Steve just ran out of cigarettes.

And the baby is due anytime now.

The stress makes me sick.

I don't want to see anyone, I cry all the time, and Steve bears the brunt of it.



Yet....I can't help but ponder. Can't help but wonder what it would be like...if I were with Gabe. Would we be broke too? Would I be crying all the time?

Probably. I'm stupid for thinking the way I do. I'm stupid for wanting anything more than was given to me.

And I'm stupid for letting myself get swept up in crazyland and not being responsible for the family.

But I can't help but think it: Why didn't he just look sooner? Why couldn't he get off his bum and get a job earlier? Why are things looking as dark as they are....

Guess I'm having a depressing moment. Maybe another time, I'll be able to do better at this. Right now, I'm just a hurting mass of depression, and misery loves company. And I've been told to always be a good hostess, so I shouldn't let my company leave depressed.

Come back another time when I'm not wanting to cry all over Steve. Maybe then, I'll have a sunshine report.

God, just make these people in my house GO AWAY. For the freaking love of God.

Guss who showed up unannounced? AGAIN????
Lacey and Pat, that's who. I love Lacey to death-Pat annoys the absolute shit out of me. Not only is his sense of humor completely childish, offbeat, and really not all that funny, but he's got anger management issues and maturity issues that just piss me off. Seriously, he's what.....27? And he acts like a 12 year old. I'm glad Steve isn't that immature.

It's been a day.

After not being able to sleep, I got up, called Lisa, only to find the wedding had been postponed because of the car show happening down town thats making it pretty much impossible to have a wedding. *glad I knew!!!!* * * So, I go back to bed. Call Forrest and Jen around 10:3oish, and ask them when they want us over.

We get there, Steve goes with the guys, Jen and I go over to her mothers house. We work on invitations. Jen takes me to my moms, me apologising the entire time about the inconvenience.

I get there, rushing through the door, scolding Steve on the phone because he's late. And guess what? No food was even started. Not even on the god awful table. AND-the woman who demanded my presence at 2:00? Asleep on the couch.

I was livid, to say the least.

Me: "Why isn't there food going?"

Mom: "No one's gonna be here for a while yet. It's only two o clock."

Me: You said be here before two because we ate at two. I was at a bridal shower helping with invitations. I made the bride drive me here, before 2, so I wouldn't offend anyone.

Mom: Everyone will be here within the next two hours.



We didn't eat until 3:30. I could have helped Jen a lot more, and gotten more done.

I am ashamed of my family; as they backstab each other every time one turns around. I found out that at my baby shower, Jamee was drunk, nd telling people that I was annoying because I was talking a lot and that I needed to shut up. Glad I didn't hear that, I'd of punched her in the face.
Her little prostitute friend Jeni was there too, talking crap. Jeni is actually a prostitute. Not only that, but she steals, lies, embellishes, and pretends that it's OK.

After I saw her threaten my younger sister Michelle, I've always wanted a chance to seriously whip the tar out of her ass. I really want to. Kind of like, if my cousin Erin ever shows her face after pushing my pregnant sister Ashley, I'm gonna knock her out. I don't have a long list, but it's there.

Anyways, Jamee came to the bbq drunk. As I ate, she asked me what my excuse was for eating like a cow would be after the baby was born. I jokingly answered to regain my strength, and then after that, I'd claim the cancer card. But Steve was livid, and might have said something, had I not spoken up first.

My contractions were about 11 minutes apart, but slowly are starting to go away. Maybe they're Braxton-Hicks.....it's very possible. In any case, I wanted to go. I was sick of Jamee putting me down subtly, telling me that I was nothing. So we go to leave. Jamee says, "Your gonna just leave these dishes? Thats rude."
I grabbed Steve's hand and we left.

We get home, and then I heard Steve's anger about my family and it's selfishness. After that, I took a nap, and woke up, had a hard time moving, and then I hear a knock at our door.

Guess who came ovr without calling, unannounced, at 7:30? Yeah. Lacey and Pat. And guess what? It's 1:30 in the god damn morning. These people can't seem to take a hint. I said to Steve, "No Steve, probably shouldn't start any more card games, it's getting late."

Translation: Tell them to go the fuck home. Especially HIM.

Poor Tick came over around 1:00, and knocked on the back door. I opened it, and he meekly aske dif he could crash on our couch. Poor guy. Tick has a soft spot with me: One, because he's funny. And two, because he's considerate.

So now, I just want everyone to go home. I told Steve, I want to spend the last few days before the baby cames with him. So I just talked to him, and he's gonna make them go home.

I'm tired, hormonal, and I can't sleep when there are people that make me uneasy in my house. I don't know what he'd do. He actually said to Steve, "You know, if you get that job at the minting place, one gold piece could get you a ton of pot." Very serious face. I was ready to tell him to get out of my home.

I don't mind Steve's friends. I do mind when they aren't considerate.

Anyways, I'm really exhausted and they're leaving. So I'm gonna sign off and go to bed. :( I hope Steve isn't offended. I just don't want people here all that much right now.

Good night Strea-

Early. Thats what it is.

Quiet? Not exactly. Steve is snoring to wake the freaking apartment complex. Seriously need to suffocate his nostrils or something.

Today is going to be a horrible day. Seriously. I have so much that I have to do today, that I'm not sure I'll be up for it.

Not only that, but all three are equally important, so I can't miss anything.

At 10:00 my good friend Lisa is getting married atop a large hill. So, guess who gets to dub the prego dress and floppy shoes and large brimmed hat? Some large lady next to me. I'm going in comfortable prego attire, because I have too many issues to do anything else right now.

After watching her get married,I have to sprint over to Jens house, (sprint meaning Steve drives there a little more tensely than usual)
to help fill out envelopes for wedding invitations. I promised her this a month ago, so I can't not do it.

And then, thanks to my spur-of-the-moment, inconsiderate mom, I have a last minute BBQ that I "Have to attend" and"I must bring something good!"
*sigh* I don't think my mom realises that I have enough problems trying to get anything done as is right now. My feet are swollen, as are my ankles. It hurts to bend any which way. And on top of that, As of Tuesday, I'll be full term, though I've already started dialating. I'm almost 2 cent. now.
Not only that, but we're broke, and trying to conserve. Try telling that to my Mom.

Me: Mom, I don't know that we'll be able to bring much. We're kinda strapped for cash right now. We're just gonna make a dish with the stuff we have and bring it over."

Mom: "Oh thats fine. While your at it, don't forget to pick up several things of soda over as well."

Me: Um, I can't? I don't have the money?

Mom: It's because you eat out all the time, isn't it? You should've been more responsible and more aware of other events. Bring orange soda, and a couple of others."

Me: Mom, I'm not bringing soda. I can't really afford it. Further more, if you wanted me to save money, you might try telling me about this BBQ more than 4 days in advance. I can't just drop everything to do this sort of thing. I have other plans too this weekend, and I'm already leaving my friends house early.

MOm: When are you leaving your friends house to come here? Don't you have to make the sauce?

Me: I'll be there at 2:00.

Mom: Unacceptable. We eat at 2:00. You'll have to leave earlier.

Me: I'll try. Thanks Mom.

My grandma is going back to Michigan to settle things before moving up here with us. So my parents are throwing a BBQ-and neglected to tell anyone about it until about a week ago. Suddenly she's handing out LISTS of food for people to bring.

I love my mom, I do. But seriously, she can be so oblivious to what anyone else wants.

Speaking of which, my sister Ashley had her baby. *awww, how cute!!!!*
Ashley, rightfully so, doesn't want to let anyone hold the baby yet. Her baby, she has that right. My mom had the-erm-grace to get royally pissed of at my sister because she didn't want anyone to hold him. She calls my grandma, and starts freakign out saying Ashley just offended her by not letting her hold the baby, blah blah.
My mom has no sense of discretion, I think. Odd thing is, my level-headed grandma is along the same lines on this. My mom actually said "Babies are meant for other people to hold."
Yes Mom. Thats exactly it. Ashley gave birth so that every Tom, Dick, and Harry could hold the freaking baby. Nope, not a human life, at all.
So Now my mom is offended, and both of my grandmothers are, because Ashley said that she wanted to wait to let people hold the baby, because the babe is immune more so than other babes to certain everyday diseases. After a few days of breathing in the germs and stuff, things'll better.

It's her right. As a mother-to-be, I have to agree with her. I don't think my mom realises what she's doing to her own kids. She can be so selfish sometimes. Ashley asked her to not tell everyone to come to the hospital, that they would call us. Mom ignored her wish and called all the sibs. We ended up waiting at the hospital for hours. Then my mom wants to go into the room to see Ashley. She's giving birth. My mom gets all miffed and everything, and pouts in the waiting room.
At the rate she's going, I can see she'll alienate Ashley all over again, and cause her to just up and leave.

*Sigh* Too early to get worked up this early in the morning. Besides, Kairi is batting at Steves face because he wont stop snoring, cauing him great confusion. Sometimes, that obnoxious kitten that claws my legs horribly, pounces the wall, and runs after you only to fall all over herself-she's got some pretty good ideas.

I'm gonna go lay down and enjoy my remaining morning time before the Storm hits. Seems like tomorrow, I'll probably be ranting about the horrors of today. EEK.

I feel frustrated and angry today, and I hate it.

On the plus side of things, my sister Ashley had her baby, and he was healthy and very small!

I went in to the hospital at about 2:00 this morning because of major pains, but of course, by the time I got there, the stupid pains were no longer there. Four hours of keeping me awake, and I tried everything! I took a bath, I stretched out my legs, I walked around, I drank a ton of water, I sat down, I sorted cards, I typed on the computer. But Nooooooo. Nothing helps. I get into the ER, and they get all concerned, and then bam. Nothing. I was kinda mad, especially since I had to stay until almost 4:00 that morning.
Went to bed, Steve's dad decided 10:30 was a good time of the morning to give Steve a pep talk.

*stare* What? Oh, right, you guys don't know what happened.

Steve got let go his second day in at Dairy Queen. They overhired.

So Steve's devestated, and all upset because he thinks it's something he did, when I'm sure the poor guy who's running the place just had his head up his ass and decided to make someone really happy for a whole day.

Sometimes it feels as though the world conspires against us.

A few days ago, I was thrown a surprise baby shower, that was fun. My mom is promising me that she'll buy the crib, dresser, and changing table. I asked for cherry oak color, so hopefully that comes through. Though, knowing her, she'll probably procrastinate in it. I'll be very surprised if it's there before the baby is, because my mom doesn't really get things done unless they're for her.

I am grateful. Just having a bad day is all, so all my news is tainted with bitterness.

Steve's dad offered to teach him truck driving. Good salary, but Steve would never be home. That would suck. Steve also got offered a job doing grunt work, but he doesn't "know" about it.

And thus, here begins the rant:
Steve had ample opportunity to study the Commercial Drivers License Manual, which is extremely thick. Does he? NO. He instead wants to play on the computer, or read his role playing books so he can finish his cutsie little project. As if we have the time. Neither of us are working, neither of us are getting any income. And all he can think about is how his online life is going.

I'm seriously about ready to slam his ass up into the wall and tell him to get straightened up or get lost.

It's 11:00 in the morning. Steve is still sleeping. And he was grumpy at me, because I was trying to get him up to get him to do the stuff that needed to be done.

Funny thing: Whenever we try to get stuff done, Steve always gets this sudden wild hair up his ass and hates the world for the whole day. If we go out job hunting, he's "depressed." If we clean the house, he's "depressed." If I tell him that he needs to get into shape so he can work construction or something, guess which emotion he gets into? Depressed. Looks like I have to take things into my own hands.

I think I'm gonna jump off maternity leave for a while, and go back to work, since he has decided no income is the best solution for everyone. I know, it'll probably stress me out, make me hurt more, blah blah blah, but I have no choice. He doesn't clean, and if he does, it's only after serious prodding. When he does clean, he doesn't rinse the dishes, he just throws them in the dishwasher as if expecting the large chunks of tomato goo are gonna clean themselves right off. When I can cajole him into cooking dinner, instead of doing something with the left overs, he leaves them out all night, and lets them get bad. So we ruin completely good food, the kitchen gets moldy, and the dishes that he attempts to clean, he usually says he needs to run through two times or more. Any wonder why our bills are so high?
He doesn't work, and uses the excuse that DQ let him go as a poor me soap box attempt so that he can get sympathy. I don't have any sympathy for him, okay? I don't. ALMOST THREE MONTHS AGO he lost his God Damn job and now he expects that because the only two times he's gone out, gotten interviews, and followed up with them, is because I rode his back the entire way, I should still praise him.


I'm so sick and tired of this. I am. I can't handle the pressure and the anger any more. I need money in order to live in this house. His insurance is probably deactivated, his car payment is more than likely over due, his rent is being paid by his parents, Who can barely afford to help out as is, and all our other bills? We don't know yet.

It's high time he acted like a man, or went back to his parents, because my baby and I can't take this, at all. We can't handle the stress.

I'm sorry. this was more of a Venting post then anything. *sigh*

I'm trying to remain optomistic, but how can I?

If I try and give him a kick in the ass to get moving-he gets mad and thinks I'm treating him cruelly. If I talk nicely, he walks right all over it.

His parents and I are in agreement now: He needs to get his ass into gear, or go away. I can't support this baby on my own, I really, really can't.

*sigh*

Ugh. I'm so frustrated, I'm gonna go clean something.