Just typing a quick note here: Had the baby-just got out because lots of complications. Still really hormonal and irritable. Stupid emotions. When I get pics uploaded you'll see them. He's beautiful though! And a lot better!

Well,...it's 11:00....give or take a bit. In 8 hours, I'll be at the hospital, being induced to have my son.

*sigh*

I'm nervous. Will I be a good mother? Will I scream? Will he come out okay? Would I love him just as much if he had some mental disorder? Will Steve be there for us?

It's been a very rough day for me. I was in alot of pain, and really hungry, and I kinda lost it. For no reason. One minute Steve and I were fine, but then suddenly I felt upset. For no reason. I couldn't stand my own skin...I shrieked and yelled, and rolled to my other side. I couldn't help myself. I couldn't stand it. I screamed that I hated myself, that I hated my life, to just shoot me.
Steve had experience with me being depressed, so he tried to calm me down...unfortunately, something....some...presence....took over at that moment. From that point on, I felt like I was at the bottom of a pool, looking up. I couldn't hear what I was saying, but I could hear Steve talking, I could see him. My eyes were swollen up, everything hurt. Steve scooped me in his arms, and tried to get me to say something logical, but I couldn't. The phone rang. Gabe was calling to say hi to me....
but all I could muster was "he's a paramedic, talk to him. He's trained." My voice was quiet, weak, and I repeated each word about 10 times, so that Steve had hung up with him by the time I was done. I don't know what I said after that. It was like some hand pulled me back under. Steve kept looking at me, checking my face, tears streaming down his. "I *am* Steven. You're talking to me. Please, don't you see me." I screamed I could, but it never came out of my mouth.
Steve started to cry..."have I lost you, please, come back. I don't want to lose you..." And I started to be able to hear better. See the whole room. I finally was able to speak again. My anger was gone, and in it's place was swollen, bleeding lips, swollen eyes, and the urge to wipe the tears streaming down Steves face.

I don't know whats wrong with me....I don't know what I did. I don't know what it is at all. But I promised I'd speak with a counselor as soon as I had the baby, to get immediate help. Can't exactly put off the baby.

Am I crazy?

I'm scared of myself.

I am having a plethora of contractions, none of them fun. Steve's friend Dan moved in across the street yesterday, much to Steve's great happiness. We went over and met with them last night.
Then, as I was sitting there, I thought, wow. This is the last night that Steven and I will ever have alone. Truly, and utterly, alone.
Tonight Steve works from 10-7...tomorrow I go in to be induced. Chances are I'm a-comin' home with a wee baby.

I am so tired, and everything is swollen up. Think I'm just gonna go to bed. I'm having a hard time staying awake.
FYI: If you hear nothing over the next few days, it's because my hands are full with sleeping and baby stuff. So take care my Streamers. Oh, and be ready for pictures! They are so totally coming!

Went to the hospital, because I passed out.

It was interesting. Steve went to his parents house, and I was really frustrated. I was home alone, the house was a pigsty, and I felt abandoned. He'd just called me to tell me he'd be home "in a few hours" and I felt like he didn't care that I had no freedom. I was fuming to myself. I picked up the dishes, started the dishwasher, cleaned the bathroom floor up, cleaned up the floor in the bedroom, and then, as I was walking back out of the living room, I saw a whole mass of sparkly spots, and then everything was different. Suddenly, I was on the floor, my whole body ached, and I was next to the couch. I was so scared!

I climbed onto the couch and didn't move until Steve came home, told him about it. We called the Nurses Hotline, and they wanted to get me checked out to make sure I was okay.

We get there, and some Euro-Australian took care of me, named Pam. She called me lovey, and all sorts of other names, and I was happy with her. And she seemed genuinely scared for me. She made me stay almost 3 and 1/2 hours, taking blood tests, checing blood and heart rates. My contractions were 5 minutes apart, but I was still only 2 centimeters. GO FIGURE!

We were getting ready to get the green light when Pam suddenly flew out of the room down the hall, to "catch a baby." We listened, and I could hear the girl crying, and screaming slightly. I was so...scared. Steve was completely oblivious, (go figure!).....and then I heard the nurses clapping, and the a minute later another cheer....

and then I heard a baby cry, and the nurses cheering, and the mother sobbing with happiness....and I couldn't help but cry a little. That's gonna be me, it was all I could think.

So, thats all for me. Just wanted to share that adventure. The doc is making me stay on bedrest until they induce me on Monday. I'm excited!

Welp...blog topic for Anon!

Anon...I don't watch TV! Why, you may gasp, ask you scramble to find a show worthy of watching!! Why, because....it was Internet or Cable. So, we decided to "hit the super information highway like a flaming sack of crap!"

Though, I have heard good things of Lost.
I like watching Conan Late Night when i can. Oh, and Grays Anatomy is a super good show.

Other than that, my dear Streamers, you are looking at someone who has a TV and a VCR, but prefers to watch DVDs from her bed, on the computer. Because, she is lazy....and Cable is ran on a monopoly out here, and the Dish can't be used at my apartments. *sigh*