Ah....the smell of payday. Actually, it smells like snow, but whatever. You ever smell snow? In Idaho, it smells....clear. I know that sounds like an odd description.

I am angered at the roomies today.

Why?

Well. Because Christmas is on Monday, and right now, Steven and I are struggling. Steven almost got a 4-digit paycheck, and since I get paid weekly, we were doing okay. Until some of the room mates, being Patrick, and Nathan, and Clinton, mentioned that they wouldn't have the money to pay for rent. So now, Steven, Lacey, and I are pretty freaked out because we are having to pay for all the bills. And then Steve told me the depressing news: I wasn't getting any Christmas presents- we didn't have the money. We got Alexander Christmas presents: Such as a really cute monkey rattle, a noisy phone toy thing, and a really nice baby monitor set. I guess it's more for Steven and I than for Alex, but then again, Alex doesn't understand anything yet. THANK GOODNESS. I don't know that I could deal with an angry Alexander. At least not yet. I'm already dreading the "terrible two's."

Right now he's in one of those "toy-saucers." I seriously think those puppies are life-savers. Seriously. I don't know that I could handle it by myself. But with the power of bright lights, and noisy rolly thingies, Alexander is learning, and almost quietly so.
Right now, he's into the grabbing of the toes, the squeaking at the top of his voice, and trying to crawl. He is so CUTE when he tries to crawl. He gets his legs up under him, and then tries to lift his upper body. He's getting there, but in the mean time, he just pushes his head into some arbitrary blanket, pillow, or foot. Steve and I go crazy over it.

Sharon refuses to talk to me STILL. She thinks that I need to apologise to her, and sit down so she can tell me what she thinks is wrong with me.

Steve and I fight about this particular subject more than any other.
Steve believes its between her and I. Technically it is, but it was his not talking to them about the stupid insurance that started this mess. Not that he'll conceed to that.

So Christmas Eve, I have to sit home by myself for a few hours because Sharon has demanded Alex and Steve come over to her fortress. And give them presents. Something else that pisses me off. I bought Steve a Nintendo DS, games, a magazine subscription to a popular gaming magazine, car charger for said DS, case, lanyard...variety stuff for his new toy.

And then I find out that I don't get anything. AT ALL. And I'm sorry, I know that Christmas is the season for giving....but my dad is pretty much doing his own thing....(more on that another day)...my mom is being a drunk....and all others in my family are doing their own things. No one can afford even the smallest arbitrary gifts. And it makes me frustrated.

I just have never had a good Christmas, and I guess I'm stupid for thinking I'd get one now. Christmas leaves me bitter and cranky. One can only fake happiness for so long when the room mates who "can't afford anything" start getting on the computers at 6:30 in the morning, waking everyone in the house, and then have the audacity to say that they can't pay rent.

Trying not to complain...but I'm frustrated with my lot right now, and I am trying to remain calm and patient about this.

Anywho, gotta scram. The house is a pig sty, and lord knows those guys wont clean up after themselves...at all.

I missed you Streamers. Have a happy one.

Let me introduce to you the room mates:


Lacieann-Affectionately referred to as "bunny," "sexy," "hottie," or anything else that should fit her lean, scumptious figure, Lacie became single recently after breaking up with the one room mate everyone is frustrated with. We'll meet him next. Lacie works with Steven, and is not completely straight. She's expressed an interest several times to do more than be friends. What's awkward is I can't be sure if she's kidding or not. So I just laugh nervously. She's a character, and a female gamer. Men everywhere drool at her feet.


Patrick-Affectionately referred to as "patty," even by his stern, new york-accented mother, pat is pretty emotional. He gets offended very easily, frustrates the crap out of everyone, and eats all the food. He was Lacie's affection of love, but he pretty much took out everything on her, accused her of stuff all the time, and then was devastated when she finally left him. (by the by, Lacie is very happy)



Clinton- Affectionately referred to as the house homo, Clinton is more gay than Rosie O Donell. The man loves Queer as Folk, has the lisp, and is the sweetest guy you will ever meet. CLint's only weakness is he has problems saying no to people, so he usually gets stuck with people playing on his computer, people bullying him off the xbox 360 and people trying to make him a chauffeur. woohoo.



Nathan- Affectionately referred to as Dollar Q. Cashington because of his rich blue robe and neat top hot. Nathan is Lacie's brother, and is a literal bad ass. The dude is known well by the police force of North Idaho and Eastern Washington. Nathan is slightly scary, and brings home lots of girls, but we really don't care much, seeing as Nathan will be helping with bills. Although, right now, we're faced with a dilemma of him not paying, Patrick not paying, and Clinton not paying.

Steve, myself and Alexander, you know. So yeah. Steve and I are buying a house, and leasing to own or something. I think right now it's lease to own. We had plenty of rooms so we invited some roomies in to ease financial burden and make Christmas a jolly one.

So yeah. Lot's of drama between to the "have-beens," and We're obviously working on it. More updates soon, but I have to go to my most awesome job that I still love after 3 months. That's a first. WOOHOO!

*BURSTS ONTO THE PAGE*

IT'S MEEEEEEEE!

That's right my loverlies, I am back on the white screen.

I know, I know. Rejoice, stop weeping my pets. After a long, and fruitful journey, internet and I finally found our way back into each other's loving embrace.

We have rejoined, once again.

SO.

What've I missed? What've you missed?

Alexander is as cute as a button, and as funny as a stand up comedian.

Steven and I are getting married in October. EXCITING.

We got a house.

I work for banks.

I love my job to freaking death.

I am SO very happy to be back, ya'll. I missed my stream family.

Tell me what your Christmas season is like. If I get enough responses, I might post my babies newest pictures up,. He seriously is the cutest freaking thing on the planet.

Large developments. LARGE.

Okay. So Cassie and Ryan wanted me to give them my entire pa ycheck, which I could not do. I mean, I have a son to feed, and If I had no gas, I couldn't get to work.
Cassie played the victim. She said that I was a liar, and I talked badly about her. Well, no duh. However, I had my reasons. They lied, were hypocritical, and I was venting to Steven. If I'm gonna pay 550 a month, then I plan on being able to say what I please, since they stripped us of every other decency. They took my sons door off of his room, because Ryan felt it inconvenient to get to the computer room. They didn't contribute to the food pile-in fact, they diminished it when we weren't looking, and then got nearly expired orange juice from their father to "make up" for it.

So Steve doesn't have a job at the moment, and he was really worried-my two paychecks, even if they were combined, wouldn't have made the rent. I had already given 145.00. Mhhm. Well, Cassie and Ryan told Steven that I had to go. He could s tay, even though he was unemployd, but they didn't like me, and didn't want me around.

*sly grin* Now, I remember, coming home after Cassie said that she really needed 145.00, and that it would go straight to rent, but she needed it so she could make her insurance and phone payments.
Hmm. I come home to drinks from target, books, clothes, and an array of new stuff-for them!
So. When they told me that I had to leave because they didn't like me, and I had to take our (steven and I's) two month old son with us, I decided to do exactly what they said they wanted me to do. "Take care of family first."
I immediately put a stop payment on the check and started looking for a place to stay. Steven obviously chose to go with me-we're a family!!!
His parents are cold-hearted. They said that they didn't want me in their house-that's another story. But lemme give you a run down. *ahem* I felt really lost after I had Alexander, because I didn't feel all close. In fact, I was petrified of him. So afraid I was gonna turn out like my real mom-abusive. They say 80% of children abused end up abusing their own. And I had an anger problem. So I turned to the only people there at the moment. Sharon and Robert. Steve's parents.
The next day, after they offered watching Alex for the night so Steve and I could have some time off. The next day, they told me I couldn't have my son back until I got professional help.
One s tep ahead you ignorant people! I had already spoken to Lactation Services, Child Protection Services, and a Case Worker. I got on Zoloft. I w as being talked to every few hours. Everything was kinda going good. Wish I hadn't explained what I did to Robert and Sharon. And Robert new. I told him that I had gotten help, that I was getting meds.
So, when they tried to take my son from me, heads nearly rolled. He was a few weeks old, and they wanted to take a breast feeding baby from his mother. I don't really think they were looking out for him. I think they were trying to
a) create drama
b) keep control.

I pretty much told them to go someplace warm in a hand basket. Took my son.
Since I stood up to Sharon, she's hated me ever since. They get mad at me because I wouldn't forgive them....why? Because Robert called me the next day and called me a child murderer. Not a good move pal. You have to remember. You have no claim to Alexander, nor will you ever. You are simply a controlling man, who can't help but try and control everything in your sons life. They have taken so much from Steven and I.

So, more recently, we moved in with Cassie and Ryan, and they went to our old house. There, they decided I was trying to kill Alex by putting thumbtacks in jello water, and Kill Steve by crushing up pills-they found white powder everywhere. Did they ever stop to think that perhaps I was making Alexander formula and formula powder was on the counter? or, the one I think is really true, they made it up to try and make Steve think I was psychotic.
Steve was on the phone with his dad, and his dad said some pretty bad things about me. He said I was a psycho bitch. That I was a murderer. That there was something wrong with me.

Um....*raises hand*...if someone does actually have post-partum depression, is it a good idea to call that person a psycho, a child murderer, and tell them that they aren't welcome in your home? Do they think that raises their chances of seeing their grandson? Cause, um, right now, I don't want him going over. Because every time he goes over there, he comes back, and without fail, about 2-3 days later, it starts. The "your girlfriend is a child murderer, and she's abusing you. Domestic Abuse."

Okay.

I'm done.

I told Steven that we are severing all ties with these home-wrecking individuals.

But Steven can't seem to make up his mind. His girlfriend, (who he claims he wants to marry) or his parents: Who, by the way, made him move back in while they chased each other across the country because they didn't like each other,and raise his little brother, while calling him a "horrible mistake," and telling him that he would go crazy when he was thirty because it "ran" in the family. So Steve didn't even want to pursue a college education because he didn't think it would matter-he'd go nuts when he was thirty, right?

I can be overbearing, and Steven and I talked, and we agreed some things needed to change. So, Steve is in charge of finances. Steve has more control in the relationship, and I have agreed to listen when he has something to say, and if I get really angry, he'll tell me, and things will be okay.

When things get better, I plan on doing the following:
a) mail back the phone on the cell plan belonging to his parents. Even though it is my job that is paying the bills, I am apparantly not allowed to take the only way to keep in touch with Steven with me-so that if something happens to Alex, I know. No, Robert said if the cell phone doesn't stay with Steve, he'll turn it off. So, either Steve keeps the phone, and his parents know EVERYTHING about Alex before me-(or...in their case, they'd rather I didn't know...at all) or else the phone is turned off. SO.
Our first plan is to get an apartment.
THEN, we plan on getting our own cell plan. THEN.
We plan on getting our own car.
THUS. Severing all ties with the controlling psychopaths that somehow raised a son that was good and kind. Though talking to him, I was amazed he was able to function at all. I know they gave him a complex of some kind.
*grr*

SO, they told Steven him and Alex could stay with them, but I could sleep on the street as far as they were concerned.

I'm...done. I want to shoot something-they really frustrate.

Sorry. I don't mean to be mean. I just feel...frustrated, because I wanted someone to watch Alex tomorrow, because tomorrow is a special day for us, but Steven said his parents would refuse. He doesn't want to tell them that we're getting married, because he thinks they'll refuse to help him.

*sigh*

Okay-GOOD news.

Steven is planning on proposing to me tomorrow. I know because we decided from April 4th-6 months later, if we could handle living together, and spending every night together, then we may make it.
So that would be tomorrow. I'm trying to keep it low, but inside, I'm jittery, and scared. Think Steven is too.

So, I dunno. I pray to God that Steve does what he thinks.

*sniff*

Don't worry-I ain't abandoning you! Steven and I have decided to record our little trek to the alter! the address, you might ask?

I believe its http://stevensteph.blogger.com

So, check it out, yo....and lemme know what you think. Be sure to leave your comments, encouragement, disgust....wisdom. Anonymouse, I do hope to hear your honesty!

I love you Streamers. You're my best invisible family, ever. *sigh*