Being Single is more interesting than I thought it would be. The weird thing is, Steve and I still live together, still laugh and hug and joke. But there's no physical stuff, and we seem a lot happier for it. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I could handle a relationship without the ol' bumpty-bump. And Steve as made it adequately clear he's more interested in other things then the bumpity. But for now, it gets us through the day, and Alex is none the wiser to whats really going on.

As for what's happened? Really don't want to say. What I can tell you is there was a large misunderstanding, and I ended up needing humility, apparantly, and humility needed to come in the form of 4 hours in the rain.

Another time, friends.

I have a new room mate, his name is Jared.

So much to say, but right now, it's hard. I have a million things to check on, and not much time to check.

Take it easy bloggers.

Steve and I finally broke up and decided to be just friends. It was harder than I thought it would be. I didn't think I'd get so emotional about all of it, but, there you go. So I'm trying not to think about it so much.

Also: Easter was awesome. We got Alex those balls like the ones from the ball pits, and ended up throwing them at each other and the dog, much to the dogs dismay. Then we had Scalloped Potatoes, Ham, Salad, Garlic Bread, and Deviled Eggs. And yes, I feel asleep and was too tired to eat the Red Velvet Cake that sat in beauty before me.

Ugh.

I have been absent, beloved blogstreamers...because of a lack of internet. Oh, and Sharon, Steve's mom, our frequently used babysitter, went to Connecticut. (P.S. All these years I've been spelling Connecticut wrong! *gasp*) So I had to stay home for the next few days watching Alex.

I know this sounds strange, but um...yeah. I'm scared to death of the little bugger, and with good reason. He's so cute, and little, and innocent, and impressionable. And I am his mom. So not only will I have to entertain him, but I had to entertain myself.

So. Let me give a little shortened version of what my journals said the next few days:

Day 1: All is well. Diaper has been changed. Teething may begin at any time...holding breath.

Day 2:Teething has begun with gusto. Aex cries and whimpers, and I have to go get Orajel. Frightful events may ensue.

later:
Went to Walmart for Orajel. Alex persisted in clinging to me like sloth. Furtively glancing in each direction, I opened the Orajel before purchasing it, just so he'd simmer down. Also bought a vast array of teething tablets, and teething rings.

Day 3: Getting into the rythym now. Wake up, play with Alex, change is diaper. Make him bottle, eat breakfast, smoke, wash, change diaper, play, feed, diaper, play, nap, clean, diaper. Bottle.....Diap-Zzzzz.

Day 4: The walls are wavering. This house is making me weak in the head, I think. Just yesterday I hugged a chair, and laughed at the banister. Alex thrives. I need a tranquilizer.

Day 5: Room mates are tards. Don't clean. Must....keep clean. Alex started taking his sippy cup and running it across the bars of the gate that fenced him in his play-area, making me feel even more like we were in a prison.

Day 6: Steven had today off. I couldn't wait long enough, woke him early with lipstick on my eyelids and a penciled mustache on my neck. He whimpered in fear.

Day 7: Lack of sleep and the inhaling of one too many stinky diapers has made me lose my ability to think rationally. I now drink from a water bottle, eat applesauce, talk in one syllable words, and drool. My mutation is hurtling towards insanity like a flaming sack of crap.

Day 8: Sharon is supposed to be home today, but her flight was delayed and then the bus broke down. I've memorized Veggie Tales, and love Dora more than pudding...Alex and I have bonded quite well. We can understand each other perfectly, albeit the fact that I found myself trying to find a comfortable onesie in my size. Kids get all the good stuff. *sigh*

Sharon finally came back, and after so much sleep deprivation, I was offered the chance to have the night off. Sharon and Robert were going to take care of Alexander. I went home, ate some sushi, turned on loud, grown-up music, took out the Baby Einstein Classical CD and tucked it away, and grabbed a nice book. Around 10:30 my eyes were still wide open. 1:30 AM....I still was awake. The truth remains: I missed my Bopi. (Nickname for Alex...it grew during our 8-day adventure)The next day I went to work for the first time in a long time, and my adult-feminism sort of started coming back..although I keep drooling when I see the hot guy from Wamu. *gah*

Hey gang! Sorry, we don't have internet at our house, so I've been kinda, ya know....out of things for a bit.
SO. I'm in a bit of a pickle. Steve and I fight almost constantly, haven't slept together in almost a month, and he decided to start working nights again. Does anyone remember what happened the last time he worked nights? Do ya? It was horrid. Terrible. And it still is. Because not only do I have to watch Alex all day, and not go anywhere or do anything, but then he works all night, so I have to take care of Alex all night as well. Not only that, but when he is home and not asleep, he's on the computer.
What about his freaking family?

So yeah. I've been going without affection, but trust me, we've been fighting a lot. Yesterday, for instance. He told me he hated and loathed and despised me. He's said about 3 times now. I know, I should leave, right. I mean, he told me that he's been thinking about cheating on me, and says it's my fault.

On the other side of the spectrum, I definitely am tired of the relationship. I don't even care if he has sex with someone else, or falls in love with someone else. Not anymore. I just want to run away. If he'd let me get my license, instead of keeping me at home and telling me we don't have the funds, I'd have left a long time ago, and he probably knows it.

I think all that's left at this point is the getting it over with. Figuring out who will get what, custody issues, and all that.

Personally, I'm wishing he'd just leave.

And Gabe's in town. No, I'm not spurred on because of this, I just...I guess I miss him. And need someone sensible, even if it's for just a few hours.

Ugh. I'm in a triangle of confusion. I just need to get my own place.