You ever wake up in the morning angry? Just....angry. Maybe your mad that you had to be woken up, or angry at the person next to you....or just tired.

Steven is like that. He wakes up with a vengeance, it seems. And though I have been patient for a long time, NO MORE!
The next time the man snips at me when I try to help him get ready for an interview, is gonna be the last time he'll ever see his pinky toe again!

*bwahahahaha* And I know that it's harder for some than others to get up, or even to be congenial about it. But when we're running late, I've got to take a shower, and Steve's ignoring the crying baby that jolted me up in the first place, I tend to get impatient.
I'll get up, snuggle my son close until his whimpers die down to something akin to cooing, and then go back and try to wake Steven up some more.

Unfortunately, Steven gets pissed off at me for waking him. I'd tell him to use an alarm clock, but the one that littlerally gives tidal waves a whole new meaning next to his head doesn't even penetrate his thoughts. Thus, if I want to get to work on time, I have to deal with him ripping me up on side and down the other. My morning is ruined, I lose my appetite, I grow hostile and resentful, and it reminds me a little more of how unhappy I've truly become.
We've tried different methods. The truth is, we've both just woken up. We haven't smoked, no caffeine in our system, notta.
So we're irritable. And I'll lure him to the kitchen with the promise of coffee and a nice Marlboro, but he just growls at me now. It used to work, but now he's being stubborn and pig-headed.

I half just want to squirt him with a water bottle until he gets up, but I don't think that would bode well for me, lol.

He said something hurtful this morning. Even he was stricken after he said it. He was quiet, and he looked just as hurt.

But not nearly as much as he hurt me....it still echoes in my head like a lingering nightmare.....I wonder if what he said was true....and then I realise....for the first time in a while....I wouldn't mind dying. Maybe he'd finally be happy.
Then I slap myself and eat some lasagna.

Lasagna. *drool*

Hi guys! I'm not gone, just really busy...and fairly drunk right now. I'm a tard.

INTERESTING, THATS WHAT THEY CALL YOU
YOUR MIND KEPT ME FOR SO LONG
BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE I SEE THRU YOU
YOUR EYES KEPT ME SINGING
BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE THEY LIE
AND EVERYTHING INSIDE THAT HOPED
IS NOW BEGINNING TO DIE.

TONIGHT I DELVED DEEP WITHIN
TO FIND AN ANSWER TO MY SIN
OF LOVING ONE WHO LOVED ONE MORE
AND IF THAT MADE ME THE STUPID WHORE
I ACCEPTED I DID LITTLE WRONG
I WAS HURT, AND LIVING
SO YOU DECIDED TO MOVE ON.
NOW EVERYWHERE I TURN, YOUR SECRETS
THEY DELVE DEEP
I KNOW THAT YOUVE GOT SOMEONE ELSE
WHEN I FALL FAST ASLEEP.

WHAT DO I DO WHEN I CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH?
I CAN'T HANDLE THE LIES
BUT MY HEART BLEEDS AND DIES.
ITS NOT EVEN WORTH TRYING ANYMORE.
WHY ALL THE SECRECY?
WHY ALL THE LIES?
WHY CAN'T YOU ACCEPT ME AND LOVE ME INSIDE!
WHY ARE YOU SO DESPERATE TO MOVE ON WITH HER
SHES FAR ACROSS THE FUCKING WORLD
SHE EVEN HAS A MAN OF HER OWN.
SHE CAN'T SHARE THE HAPPINESS OF OUR SONS FIRST STEP
NOR CAN SHE HOLD YOU AND COMFORT YOUR SOUL.

ITS NOT EVEN WORTH IT
I CANT EVEN TRY
I DONT WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE
I JUST WISH I WOULD DIE
I HATE FEELING HURT
I HATE YOUR COMPUTER
I WANT TO HARPOON IT
KILL IT
MAYBE THEN YOULL LOVE ME

MORE.

The boss

The bosses boss came in to take over for our boss at work because he was off to Manila to help get a center started there.
Now our new boss is a man named Rodney. We like to call him "Jesus" because his shirts are SO white, they blind.
Not that Mr. Rodney person is bad-looking: he is rather nice looking. He's just....is scary.

SINCE Mr. Rodney came in, We are not allowed to read, do sudoku, play games, or crochet. We must sit in our cubicles, (which, by the by, were SANITIZED to a shiny gleam-my cool bottle that I kept for decorations was thrown away) and do NOTHING.

Nazi camp rings a small bell, but it's just a bit worse.

"Keep moving, keep moving-No talking, no talking!"
Now we have to stand outside in single file rows and hold our hands out straight with a router in one, and a phone in the other.
We are strong. We are strong. One day, we will rise up, and be delivered from this hell.

In other news, the story I wrote in my last post was written because I was at work, and in the middle of all sorts of awesome plots when I heard that Rodney had entered the building. It was something akin to the movie Prince of Egypt. I was cooing softly to my small story, pulling up blogstream.com as fast as possible. "Must stow away so he never see's it," I thought. BLINDING SHIRT IN VIEW! I typed in my password. I had done the wrong one!
I typed it in again-this time shooting me right to my profile. I clicked furiously. Copy, Paste.Click. Submit. SUBMIT! "SUBMIT!" my colleagues look at me as blogstream slipped away into the webbed abyss, and I smiled. "Just reminding ya'll to submit, to the...ummm.....boss....." I slouched in my seat and but on my Jesus-proofed glasses-which makes it okay for me to look at Rodney when he goes by.

Alex's rash is almost gone, thank goodness. He's sleeping right now, the cute little peanut. This morning I woke up around 7:00. Steve was getting ready to leave and wanted me to go out and have a smoke with him before he left. So I got dressed, stumbled into the frigid garage, where the man proceeded to talk animatedly about the LAN party he was going to that night. He's been looking forward to it for a few weeks now, and Alexander and I are going to be hanging out together. I thought about sudoku, strangely enough,and then went back upstairs to snuggle under the covers when Steve's phone alarm went off. AND then it woke up Alex. And then Steve had to go. Poopy.

I do feel accomplished though, because I managed to keep Alex happy, clean the kitchen, feed him and put him down for a nap, sweep the floors, clean our room, take a shower, and do my hair, and blog. It's nice. I feel.....accomplished....and stuff.

Sakura-con is coming up in April, and the roomies have agreed-we are gonna go together! It'll be $45.00 Registration and 125.00 and the rest of stuff.  Stuff being Souvineurs.

Anyways-thats all for me. I'm gonna go now.

Tonight is movie night-Disney theme. all the roomies bring their favorite movies and we gather and watch. And awesomeness.

The world had been at peace for many years. The mountains stood tall and proud, the oceans were calm and peaceful, the prarie winds were kind and comforting.
The human race was also at peace. Not a war in almost 100 years, and the tribes flourished. Great harvests made the winters go by without fear. Children learned, and laughed, and had hope for their life. Mothers and fathers were able to smile, laugh, and love fearlessly. All the human race was indeed at peace, comforted in the knowledge that life was healthy, and unbridled. The earth was pleased.
At some point though, all good things must go through troubled times, else the good times are not thought of as much. People don't appreciate the value, the blessings. Tribes are now becoming restless, and look at their weapons with longing. The need to hunt was growing. The need to fight was growing. The thirst for something more than peace was wanted. Because without a little chaos, what do we have happiness for?
***
It started with the proud mountains. In the distance, a tribe of maybe 100 people watched as the ground trembled. The mountain shook, and groaned like a sick old man. The rocks danced as the foundations rattled. Women hugged sobbing children, frightened beyond words. Men held their swords and spears tightly, unsure of what to do. Trees swayed. Wild animals stampeded. And still, the mountain groaned.
The tribe gathered their things quickly. Since it was just beginning the summer season, they left everything they possibly could, and went away from the groaning mountain. They passed a tribe on the way, far from where the effects of Groaning Mountain had been felt, and explained the phenomenon. Word soon spread as meetings passed. Soon, the human people learned to stay away from the ever trembling mountain, which they named Groaning Mountain. Wild animals did not stay there any longer. Vegetation grew scarce. Trees fell daily. More than one novice would try to see the mountain-and more than once, those same novices would never be seen again.
The mountain was in pain. It moaned and shook, as a great evil took root in it's dark depths. An evil that none of the humans were aware of. None had anticipated what it could be.
It was a Pandora of sorts, one of the stories of the Gods that the humans believed. In reality, we call it Esbenush. It means "Flaming Demon" in the old tongue. While the humans were beginning to be picked off, novices, traders, and more, the Esbenush grew. It's power became frighteningly large.
It awoke alarm in my people, the Light of the World. We are also known as nymphs by the humans....but we are the world. The earth. We are in the air. The trees. The water. The land. We each have our preference. But unlike what the humans would laugh about over a pint of homemade ale, We were real. And we didn't stick to one realm. Those who are royalty have the ability to interchange the elements. Become one and none at the same time.
I am royalty. My title is Queen Kitiana of the Nymphs. And now that an evil greater than ever before has been unleashed upon the land, it is up to my people to restore the balance, before it is to late.
***
I am the Queen of the Nymphs, and I rule alone. It is the first time in over 5000 years that a nymph has not mated to become queen. I am still quite pure, you see. They say that my lack of knowledge in becoming one with a nymph clouds my mind, and causes great harm to the earth. And yet, somehow, during my 110 year reign, the earth has been remarkably calm. Very peaceful. But my mind, apparantly, is clouded. According to the elders, it's lust. According to everyone else, it's ignorance. In either course, they don't like it. But then, the nymph kingdom has never liked their decisions.
We are beautiful and proud race. The nymphs long ago took a vow that they would never, ever breed with another race. We value our pure blood line and pride ourselves in not having any half-breeds. While human men and other male creatures alike chase nymphs constantly, rarely do they ever ever allow anything to happen. Breeding with another race is strictly forbidden.
This morning, however, it seemed as though the elders were ready to break even that vow, if I would only breed with SOMEONE. ANYONE. Suitor after suitor had asked my hand in marriage, and time and time again, I had flatly refused. The only reason any of them had tried to marry me was because I was royalty. They craved the power, and the status it would bring. They did not crave me.
Not that I'm a bad looking nymph. As far as standards went, I was an extremely lovely nymph, or so they told me. I had a perky nose, large, violet colored eyes, deep blue hair, long legs, and I wasn't exactly flat-chested. All in all, I was one of the loveliest women on the market.
"Queen Kitiana. We asked you to meet us today because we must stress again the importance of you breeding."
The speaker was the Eldest of the elders, Sir Joseph. He was tall, and broad shouldered, and the oldest, and wisest of the nymphs. He was also the stubbornest, most idiotic moron I had ever met in my life.
I was seated in the throne room, the elders in their respective chairs. In politics, the royalty always sit above the elders. And should a member of the royal family rise, or sit down, the elders must follow their lead. It makes it fun when I stand up and stretch, or sit down abruptly when in the midst of a heated argument. It throws them off guard.
I looked down at the speaker, and nodded coolly. I understood the importance of my breeding. If I did not breed, the lineage would die. If the lineage died, then the throne would be fought for. Large amounts of blood-shed would not be a wise decision for my people. We were an immortal race, but the downside to our 'blessing" was that it was a long time before our children grew up. Most stayed young for hundreds of years. To reach the maturity, you had to be 500 years or older. I also knew the importance of someone who wasn't power-hungry. A power hungry man would be bad for me-but worse for my people. I wanted someone wise, thoughtful, and not above his station. Thus far, every pompous idiot who had requested my hand had been denied. Again and again.
"I understand, Elder Joseph, the importance of my breeding. But I must make a wise decision for my people. We don't want a man with a nice face and a cruel heart to rule us. We must have someone compassionate and understanding, and firm. And no one who has asked my hand in marriage has shown ANY of those qualities, let alone even one of them."
"Your Highness, we've shown you every eligible bachelor in the region. Your high standards are putting the throne at risk."
"Sir Joseph, the question still remains: why it is such a race for me to breed? Are we not immortal? Do we not live longer than the stars and the earth?"
At this point the elder scowled and gripped his staff until his knuckles were white. "Your Majesty," he said through gritted teeth. "You may live forever-but your ability to produce will only last so long."
"I am only 500 years old, sir, and I believe that nymphs have been known to give birth far into their 3rd millenium. If you expect me to start breeding just for your benefit, you are quite wrong. All of you." I scanned the dozen or so elders who each wore looks of deep concern on their face.
"No if you will excuse me, I have lessons." I stood up quickly, causing the elders to hastily stand, some of them wobbling in the effort. For a moment I felt shame, for treating the wise so horribly. But I knew that they only wanted me to breed so they could find someone they could easily manipulate. The King would be a stupid man. Hand picking each man in the region for me meant the eldests had chosen the best-looking idiots in the region.
I stepped down from the throne, and walked down the aisle towards the large, gilded door when I heard a snigger from a corner in the room.
Helsing.
A smile appeared dispite my act, and I looked. Helsing was a favorite elder of mine-no nonsense, kooky sense of humor, and no regard for the thoughts of others. Helsing had told me time and time again that I was indeed the best choice for Queen, and to not worry about the other elders. They were just bored, he told me.
I quickened my step and offered my hand to him.
"Your Majesty," he said, his bright blue eyes twinkling underneath his long, shaggy silver hair.
"Helsing," I said. "Please, escort me to the gardens?"
He bowed comically, and took my arm, walking me through the gilded doors and down the hallway.
I admired the workmanship in the courts. Every chamber was done with leaves, then gilded with the finest gold. Everyway hallway was flowing with artistic scenes, of angels and nymphs, dragons, and faeries. Historic scenes and murals that had not come to pass accompanied strolling nymphs. On the otherside of the hallway was life. Plants of every type flowed up through the large windows and grew flourishingly. Large white irises and delicate babies breath nodded in the soft, perfumed air, as a small breeze whirled through the corrider. hummingbirds and bees of every sort dronned lazily in the warmth of the sun.
"I think Elder Joseph cracked his hip trying to stand up so fast," Helsing said nonchalantly. His eyes were also admiring the artwork.
" I almost hope he did," I muttered. "The old man insists on pretending that I'm stupid. It's absurd for them to insist that I be with child so soon into my reign. I'm not even in the comfortable range when most nymphs start reproducing!"
"Ah, but you are the queen. And as such, you're wit and your passion frighten the elders. They fear you may desecrate the old ways-forget your place."
I nodded, troubled.
It was true that I found some of our customs absurd. I did not like that we played favorites with our people-allowing some to eat bark delicacies, and the lower classes were forbidden. I was in the process of abolishing that, but it was taking some wheedling with the council. The lower class had to have their hair tied back outside of the home. The Royalty were allowed to wear their hair free and long. Although nobels had to have theirs pulled back halfway, they still could wear it mostly down. Again, nothing more than a status symbol. It was a list of more than a hundred things I wanted gone. And guess who said it would be done the moment I concieve? The elders. I fume on a daily basis about that.
"You know, Kit, if you keep your face like that, it may very well stick that way." Helsing winked at me. He was one of a very select few who got away with calling me "Kit." I smiled at him, my old friend, and we turned the corner to the gardens.
In the hallway a small girl, probably no more than 200 years old, was playing with a faerie horse.