I am so happy. So happy, I put 3 crazy's. Now that's wild.

*ahem*

I went to my doc appointment today, and found out several wonderful things. 1-there is a doctor out there that isn't cruel and tall. She's short, plump, and pleasant. And I asked her to be my doctor! And she smiled, all flattered, and said try Dr. Sanderson once more, and then if I still want to be with her, then I could.

I'd feel a lot more comfortable with Ronnie.

But that's not the best news!! the best news is, I went into the doctors office kinda dreading it, because I was going to set up payment arrangements-because Health and Welfare and I weren't getting along. Turns out, we were, and I didn't know it.
I got approved for insurance through the state! That is exciting! Now I don't have to worry about any bills, or any appointments of awkwardness.
It's all paid for.

Whew.

And then I have to go back in on the 28th of April and check in to make sure I'm okay, baby's okay. Alex seems to be absolutely perfect, and I *GAINED* 11 pounds. HOLY MOLY! I went from drastically losing weight to gaining it. They were well pleased.

AND!

I was talking to my doctor about post-partum and my fears. I grew up chronic depressive, and post-traumatic stress, a couple of things. So I worried that it might catch up with me. After taking a few tests, she agreed I was right in worrying about it-so we put me on Zoloft, which I'm getting today.

So all in all, a great day. Something to help battle the little-known post stuff. Insurance to make me breathe. And a new doctor that I am at ease with.

Great! The only thing that would make this better is finding out that I'm in the new apartment!

*which reminds me....I ought to pack....here....soon....do laundry....*

YEAH!

Happy Wednesday!

I am so hungry. All the time. And it's making me crazy.

Gabe texted me, I think. I'm kinda skiddish, but at the same time, not. I have to be able to handle this situation. Steve is pretty okay with it, and doesn't care for Gabe, obviously, but nonetheless, precautions ought to be taken.

Yesterday the baby was sitting up at the top of my stomach, and his little head was making a bump. It was pretty cool. Jen got to feel it, and she was properly in awe.

What frustrates me is the little turd will kick until I speak, or move or breath, and as soon as I put my hand there, he stops. It's like he's taunting me. I don't take well to taunting.

We found an apartment! Holy toledos! I believe it was 475 or 495 a month, two bedroom, and VERY spacious. EEK! That's so exciting! Steve's mom is willing to do pretty much anything to get us going, so we are very excited, she wants to help out with so much!

My grandma emailed me and wants to meet Steve and I for dinner. Of course, she's probably peeved at me for ignoring her, as is her right. I've been flaky with everyone lately, which is bad. My family hardly ever see's me. I have to make it a point to go see my parents this afternoon. :)

Other than that, I have tons of paperwork waiting for me, so I must get moving. Hope your Tuesday is great!

Every day I grow hungrier. By the freaking second. Yesterday, I had

*ahem*

Hashbrowns
Raisin Bran
Eggs in a Basket
Eggs in a Basket
hasbrowns
Nachos
RIce with beggies
Pizza
Ice cream
sandwich crackers

Then today, so far, I've had
Raisin Bran
Cheetos (erm..actually those came back up, didn't they?)
Malt o Meal
Omelette
Pickles
Ice cream
Butterfinger egg thingies (like...10 of them...I think that counts)
(and it's only 7:00 at night!)

I'm so hungry all the time. And I eat only things I know will go down.
Thus, the odd array of food before you.

Food is gregarious!

Steve called me after I left work, and said, "Um, I know this is moot, but...I'm putting Mike & Ikes in eggs for the Steering Committee-do you think I'm stingy by putting three in each?"
I had to laugh.
I did laugh when I found out he was actually seperating the flavors so the children didn't get an onslaught of orange Mike & Ikes. He was actually bitter about the amount of orange.

Gabe is back in town and doing Monday Night Bible Studies. Which means, that brings me and the ex kinda closer together than I want.

It's hard for me to say how I feel. I loved him, and we broke up when the passion was still so much alive, and we never really got over each other. Obviously, I love Steve, and would NEVER leave him. So, to guard my heart, I stay away from Gabe, and got rid of his number and stuff. It hurt to do, knowing that Gabe loved me, and wanted to be with me...but I know that if I stay out of sight, I'll stay out of his mind. Or at least, he wont know the pain of talking to me, or knowing I'm here and stuff. At least....he can think I hate him or don't care. That way, he'll move on.

It's wierd. But I know with out a shadow of a doubt I love Steve with more passion and desire than any man ever. So, it dilutes any thoughts.

Other than that, not much. I played a few games with Steve last night, and we had fun. We both went to bed after Grays Anatomy. Which was a good show, just so you know. I really like it. I wish they had it on earlier.

I'm hungry. Again.....so yeah. Got to feed the macine. Peace out.

I am slightly selfish I think. I hate being the only one awake or not being able to have as much fun as I want, when I want. When that happens, I usually start bugging Steve.

Steve didn't go to bed until 4:00 this morning, the crazy man. His ducky little friends were over and wanted to Roleplay...(like D&D)-but instead they all vegged in front of the TV. I wanted to smack the crap out of all of them.

Honestly, 4 is pushing it, my love.

We watched V for Vendetta last night, and I think the Wachowski brothers are trying to warn us about the dangers of our own governmentusing that movie. It sounds about right.

The only thing that bothered me was that I never did get to see V's face, although he had to of been old. If the people hurting him were ancient, icky looking peeps, he had to of been as well.

He sounded mature though. <---thats me. P for Paperbag.

My list of things I can no longer do is growing by the day.
I tried going up and down the stairs this morning, and by left leg started spazzing out from a Charlie Horse. Again. And this time I actually had to walk with it, because I was on the stairs, in my robe, and the guys were all asleep downstairs. And I know they say NEVER walk when your muscles lock up like that. YOu'll tear them. Great advise.

They were right? Now my left leg hurts really bad, and in order to go down the stairs, I have to hold the wall and railing for dear life.
*sigh*

I'm gonna have to wake up my man here soon, so he doesn't want to stay up all night again. Funny how sometimes they seem so much like children..... But I love him, and know he'll make a GREAT father-and I love his humor. And his gorgeous eyes. If I get a picture of his eyes, I will post them here. I call them Tiger-eyes.

Anyways, that's so far for me. Have a good Sunday!

I am a woman of raging hormones.
And it makes me sad. I hate acting this way-I feel like I'm pushing Steve away with my behavior. I don't mean to. And I know that he wants to help. I want to enjoy our last few months of peace before the baby comes-but I'm in so much pain. I get winded going up a few stairs. I can't bend over anymore. I'm moody all the time. I'm kinda sad about it.

I cried for no reason. I wanted so much to just have Steve hug me and tell me everything was okay, but we were at work and I didn't want to be there, and MY supervisor was pissed off at me because I randomly lost it.

It's not like I meant to.

Then I went to Forrests house and did Jen and Stephanie's hair for my friend Felicia's wedding.

Weddings are so bittersweet, I think. Especially since Steve avoided me and hung out with the other two guys, and barely spoke to me all day. My feet ached from standing for more than a few minutes, and my back was killing me. And I sat on the couch, and Forrest and Jen and Steph were all very concerned and trying to make me comfortable-and Steve kept saying, "Forrest, come outside with me while I smoke."
Thanks, honey. Your concern overwhelmed me.

Then we were out the door, at the church, and getting ready for the wedding. Steve again disappeared to go with the guys to find a pen back at the house--sounds like the beginning of a dumb joke.....("How many bachelors does it take to find the Guestbook pen?".......3!)
And never told me that he was going or anything. I was just confused.

Then one of the grooms men was hitting on me, asking me what I was doing sitting alone and eyeing me throughout the time before Steve arrived. I went ahead and ignored him-my eyes are for one man!!!
Then Steve arrived and I did his hair, we sat down, and the wedding started.

It was a short ceremony, and then I was hunting down food, and eating everything I could get my hands on. Then I got giddy and excited, Steve kept trying odd things, and managed to make a blow torch with my hairspray in the mens room, much to my chagrin.

After all the pomp was done, we went home. I am still sewing my blanket, although I am very close to being done. One side left and my masterpiece will be complete.

Tonight Steve and I were supposed to do something special. Instead, last night, Steve invited Morgan to come over today. How very quickly he forgets me, I think.

We were talking about our new house, and I discovered that Steve pretty much means to make it the new RPG center for him and his buddies.
I'm a thinking Oh HELL no.
I don't want to spend my last three months of my pregnancy with guys in the house yelling about Halo, Paranoia, Battlefield 2, or Soul Calibur II. I'd rather kill them all. They come over, mooch off our food, keep Steve up at all hours, and then leave, after cajoling Steve into giving them rides.
Because most of them are not out of high school.

I pray to God that Steve doesn't turn out like Rob; Rob is 30 years old, and doesn't want to get married because he's afraid of commitment. He spends all his paychecks on video games, mooches off his ex-girlfriend, who hopes and prays they will get married one day, and doesn't drive.

No, he calls Steve, bitches Steve out for not being on time to pick him up (he doesn't even pay us gas!!!!! )and then talks about how much freedom he has, and how much he loves playing video games.

The entire ride over this morning was about his new favorite Star Wars video game. I wanted to suffocate him.
I don't mind hearing about video games, honest! But at 7:45 in the morning-no. I'm sorry. I go to work, and there are people in the corner playing PS2 on a big screen. I go home, and am promptly ignored by Steve, who goes onto his computer and ignores me-except for the occasional reassuring hug when he gets up to smoke.

I'm usually okay with it. Just today, I seem a bit disgruntled. Sorry.

That and I'm worried about my ferret Swiffer. She's losing a ton of weight. :( *sigh* I hope everything is okay. She doesn't really respond to people anymore. She seems listless. I wonder if she's getting old. I'm not too worried. I'm sure once she dies, she'll be happier. We all will be, I imagine. I think.

Okay. Time for me to continue my sewing escapade. I may write later.

Have a great day, better than my crummy, work-filled Saturday!